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I had the pleasure of speaking with Lauren RE Larkin on Sancta Colloquia very early in the pandemic. We talked about how what I know from training in intimacy direction applies to my work as an educator and all our lives as humans.
CW: sexual abuse, religious content
Intimacy Directors More Important than Ever. An Interview with Gaby Labotka in the Chicago Reader
What Intimacy Direction can Bring to Dance. Dance Magazine. September 2020.
What Playwrights can Learn from Intimacy Directors. A conversation with Gaby Labotka for Howlround. September 1, 2020.
What It’s Like To Be A Black Intimacy Coordinator In The Era Of Consent And Political Resistance. An interview with Tenice Divya Johnson and Sasha Smith. Elle Magazine. September 8 2020.
Back in July I got to be a guest on the Wilzig Erotic Art Museum’s Thursday afternoon Tea and Sex sessions, talking about intimacy direction!
Here Melissa and I discuss the “what it is”. This is just the first few minutes of an hour-long conversation and interactive session with participants.
Nicole Perry is a guest on the Wilzig Erotic Art Museum's Tea and Sex Thursday afternoon session with Melissa Blundell-Osorio discussing what is intimacy dir...
Intimacy Direction in a time of Physical Distance. Emily Snyder for HowlRound.com . Nicole was interviewed for this piece, but sadly no quotes were used.
Vice News Mini-Documentary on Intimacy Direction. July 30, 2020.
Sharon Stone Speaks about Intimacy Coordinators and Moments that Made her Uncomfortable on Set. Indiwire. July 2020.
June 22, 2020. Alicia Rodis named one of Indiewire’s Influencers.
June 22, 2020. Nicholas Hoult (The Great) “Intimacy Coordinators: a Good Thing for the Industry”
June 14, 2020. Claire Warden wins Drama Desk Special Award for Intimacy Direction.
June 3, 2020. MSU takes Academic Lead on Intimacy Direction.
Well, that’s a really bold question, as we have no idea what just being on stage looks like right now!
But, in the past week I’ve had a couple of conversations about this, and I do have some thoughts.
Even if we’re “back to normal”, there are going to be performers, directors, and administrators that are more wary of intimacy, especially if those intimate moments would cause a meeting of soft tissues like kissing. I am already in the habit of choreographing a “Plan B” for kisses that can be done in case of actor illness, and understudy stepping in, etc. A good intimacy director/choreographer should have been providing these all along, and they, the director, and the actors involved should all feel just as confident about the story-telling involved in those moments as they do with the kiss. See my earlier post about Plan Bs.
It is possible that bringing on an Intimacy Director/Choreographer is part of a company’s safety plan. This was raised in a conversation hosted by Directors Lab West yesterday with Ann James of Intimacy Directors of Color and Carly D. Weckstein, an independent sex educator and Intimacy Director (check out the convo here). Bringing in an ID could be a way a company says to their community that they take the physical and mental health of their performers and production crew seriously, and are hiring people with specials skills in doing that.
Both of these thoughts lead me to #2.
Intimacy Directors/Choreographers are Movement Specialists. And movement is still going to be on stage, even if physical contact is not.
Intimacy Directors/Choreographers are movement specialists (or at least they should be). They have been trained in movement for the stage. Sometimes this aspect gets lost in the more “news-worthy” part of the job- gaining consent, establishing boundaries, hopefully avoiding lawsuits for the company, etc. I came to this work after 10 years of choreographing. I have a Bachelor’s degree in dance. I have studied movement at an even deeper level by obtaining my Laban certification. When I train with IDI, IDC, or TIE, we are given feedback not just on our ability to put best practices in communication into use, but in our choreographic abilities. My job is make sure the story is told, and told well, and that the director and actors feel confident in the performance.
I believe my in-depth knowledge of movement will make me more of an asset to confident story-telling on the stage, even if the actors must remain apart or not fully physically engaged in the intimacy.
I do believe my role will still be necessary when we get back in space together. For safety and for the sake of the story, I think it will be even more necessary! We’ll see if the industry agrees!
I’d love your thoughts- whether you are a performer, director, producer, or audience member- what would seeing this role in a playbill mean to you pre-Coronavirus? Would it mean the same, or something different after? Leave me a comment!
25 April 2020. Sexy Beats: How “Normal People”' ‘s Intimacy Coordinator Works. by Sian Cain for The Guardian.
21 April 2020. Claire Warden Receives Drama Desk Awards Special Award for Intimacy. See list of all nominees and awards at the link.
12 April 2020. The Stake Were Really High: The Stars Bringing Sally Rooney’s ‘Normal People’ to Life. by Claire Armistead and Johanna Thomas-Corr for The Guardian.
4 April 2020. Creating Scenes of Intimacy Safely, Seamlessly, and Convincingly on Stage. by Aaron Krause for Theatrical Musings.
Please check out the guest post I wrote for the Consent Awareness Network!
Momentum Stage is pleased to be an Ambassador for the Consent Awareness Network.
Times-Union. Choreographing Intimacy for a New Era in Theater by Tony Pallone. 24 March 2020.
HowlRound Theatre Commons. Intimate Reform. by Ann James. 19 March 2020
Denton Record-Chronical. The Look of Love. by Lucina Breeding. 19 March 2020
Provokr. Creating Initmacy. by Amanda Jane Stern. 9 March 2020
The BBC. The Women Helping Hollywood Shoot Safer Sex Scenes. by Valeria Perasso. 7 March 2020
The New York Times. Review of “The Hot Wing King”. by Ben Brantly. 1 March 2020
Tonight should start the 2nd weekend of 2 shows for which I had the honor of creating the intimate moments. Island Song at Measure for Measure Theatre Company and To Fall in Love at Theatre Lab. Both are currently postponed, due to coronavirus limitations in Florida.
But, I wanted to take this moment to talk about Intimacy Direction/Choreography, because this outbreak raises questions that may not be considered when it comes to staging or performing intimacy in shows. What happens if a performer is sick? Can we still tell the story effectively and well?
Whenever I choreograph intimacy that includes a kiss, I always choreograph a Plan B. As one of my mentors, Tonia Sina reminds us, “Kissing is the most dangerous thing you can do onstage.” Unlike stage weapons, the soft tissues and bodily fluids are quite real. It’s my job as the Intimacy Choreographer to develop this, not the actors’. It’s my job as the Intimacy Choreographer to rehearse, to make sure the actors are confident in it, and that tech knows what to expect if we go to Plan B. Last week, in one of the shows, we had to employ our Plan B. It took 0 extra rehearsal time, because it had already been set. All it took was a check in with the actors and stage managers at call time.
I also had a significant case of NOT having to employ plan B, because of how I staged the intimacy. (I hope Island Song reopens, and you get to see it, so I’m going to remain slightly vague about what happens.) Island Song has a number in which every member of the cast is involved in intimacy, in some way, except for 1. Most of them with another member of the cast, some of them alone, but they are all onstage, in various states of undress, involved in various acts of intimacy. What is significant about this number and it’s staging is that not only is the sex simulated, the kissing is too. All of it— and there’s a lot.
There exists currently only 1 review of the show, and I don’t know that it will ever be published. But NOTHING in that review makes me think the critic felt it was “fake”, “inorganic”, “inauthentic” or less than.
I created that scene to look like a lot of people enjoying physical intimacy— while keeping my actors safe. Part of my decision making was purely creative choice. I wanted the couples to all start the same, and then diverge into various acts. Part of my decision making was time related. I had a lot of people to choreograph, so having something repeatable cut down on my teaching time, giving me an efficient rehearsal. Part of my decision was safety- if I can make actors and the story look good, while keeping them safe, why wouldn’t I?! I don’t give them real swords so “the audience believes the story”. Staged correctly, I don’t need to give them real kisses either.
Now, not every stage nor every story allows for that. This one did, and I took advantage of it. And on Thursday night last week, I was very, very glad. The actors were able to do their choreography confidently, with no changes. And they looked awesome. Again, I really hope Island Song is able to come back, and you can go see. Then you can tell me if you agree!
If you are a director or an actor that has never worked with an Intimacy Choreographer/Director before, I hope this gives you a different perspective. It’s not just about harassment or abuse. Directors, we really can make your job easier. Actors, we can help you stay healthy. We can help the people who want to do a good job confidently go out and do their jobs.
When we’re all able to get back to making art together again, I hope you’ll think about hiring an Intimacy Choreographer/Director, even if it’s “just a kiss”.
And, just in case you hadn’t heard, currently, Theatrical Intimacy Education is recommending that NO shows go forward with intimacy, in rehearsal or in performance.
Medium. Setting the Stage for Sexual Abuse. By Randy Ginsburg. 27 February 2020.
Montana Kaimin. Intimacy coaching: Keeping actors safe behind the scenes. By Maghan Jones. 26 February 2020.
The Edmonton Journal (Canada). Special Director on Hand to Manage Scenes of Intimacy. 21 February 2020.
The Mail Tribune (Oregon). The ‘Sacred’ of OSF’s Intimacy Director. 17 February 2020.
Oregon Live. Oregon Shakespeare Hires First Full-time Intimacy Director ahead of 2020 Season. 17 February 2020.
CBS Sunday Morning How intimacy coordinators oversee romantic movie, TV scenes. . 9 February 2020.
The Pulse (an NPR Podcast). How Movies Move Us. The segment with Alan Yu includes an interview with Intimacy Director Colleen Hughes. 7 February 2020.
Intimacy Coordinators on Set in Israel. 6 February 2020.
The Lyric Stage (Boston) interviews their Intimacy Director to learn more about the work. 4 February 2020.
The Age (Melbourne, Australia). Rules of engagement: How actors and directors create intimacy on stage. By Louise Rugendyke. 1 February 2020.
In my effort to update my website, I realized that this series of videos that I created last summer was living only on YouTube. So here are 8 videos about:
what is Intimacy Direction
why you might or might not hire an Intimacy Director
how I got into Intimacy Direction
what the scene is like in South Florida
and more.
The first video in the series was produced by David Nail and Cliff Burgess. Enjoy!
Consent isn’t about sex. It isn’t about touching, or feelings, or legal liability.
Consent is about seeing the other person in the conversation with you as a full person, with boundaries, agency, opinions, and rights.
In the performing arts, saying “yes”, whether we really mean it or not, has been reinforced over and over again. Especially for those on the performing end. We need to see “yes”, “no” and “I need more information” as equally valid answers.
Theatres are starting to incorporate consent work into scenes of an intimate nature. The work of Intimacy Directors International and Theatrical Intimacy Education has been to establish these practices. But what about other moments where consent should be requested?
Auditions
Theatres who hold auditions without disclosing the productions to be staged, and/or the characters available in those productions. I get that sometimes you are waiting for your rights, and you really need to have auditions. However, consistently holding auditions without telling performers what they are auditioning for is telling performers that their time, preferences, boundaries, and ability to ask questions that matter to them are of no importance to you. That you, as the producing entity, have the right to know what you are looking for, but they don’t. This continues traditional power structures and removes personal agency from your actors. This may not be what you’ve intended, but it is what happens; and it’s dehumanizing.
Teaching/Directing
A lot of choreographers and dance teachers especially, instruct with corrective touch. It’s a time honored tradition. However, with 1 in 6 women having been a victim of sexual assault, and approximately 60,000 children assaulted each year, touch from a stranger or authority figure may not be one of the best ways to teach groups any longer. Yoga is doing a better job with trauma-informed practice, and dance and theatre would do well to consider some of their solutions. At the very least, teachers/directors/choreographers should be asking before we touch anyone on any given day.
Somatic movement pioneer Irmgard Barteniefff said “Tension masks sensation.” If you see a student tensing before you correct them, is your touch even going to be useful? Could your corrections actually be more applicable to more people, if given with evocative language, rather than personal touch?
Check out this free resource about teaching with a trauma-/touch-informed lens. Purchase Touch card templates here.
Being an Audience
Does the audience know what they have agreed to when they enter your space? If your show is “immersive” or contains content that may offend someone, is your audience aware of that before they buy tickets? As they buy tickets? Enter your space? Or only after it has happened? And are they clear on whether or not they can interact with the performers, and the consequences of violating expectations? You may assume your audience has consented, simply by being in your space. But consent requires specific and clear information, and if that hasn’t been given, neither has consent.
How are you (or is your organization) approaching consent in artistic work? Leave a comment!
Following the Broadway World press release about my upcoming work with Measure for Measure Theatre company, I got a question about how I got into intimacy choreography. And it seemed like a really good 3rd installment to the intimacy series on this blog.
Vol 1: What is Intimacy Direction? Published in July.
Vol 2: Why do we have/need intimacy directors/choreographers? Published last week.
Vol 3: How did I get become one? Published now.
I took my first intimacy for the stage workshop from Laura Rikard of Theatrical Intimacy Education in the summer of 2018. I searched out intimacy work, not because I had had a negative experience with a scene partner, director, or choreographer. Rather, I wanted to make sure that I, as a teacher and creator, had the best practices available, to do the best job, telling the best story, in ways that served my performers and audiences, that I could!
I had recently choreographed a musical for high school students in which one student was distressed about the onstage kiss, because this student had never kissed anyone, ever. And the director didn’t set it or offer any thoughts or even seem to want to rehearse it with them. Which I do understand, as intimacy with minors is a difficult thing, complete with legal issues on top of power dynamics and teenage hormones. So as the choreographer, I set it- mainly to ease the anxiety experienced by the students.
In doing this, I thought, “It is so weird that there is no standard for doing this!” So, I started looking to see who else was experiencing this and working on these types of encounters. I found TIE and Intimacy Directors International online, and read everything they had in the free resources. Shortly thereafter, the South Florida Theatre League brought in Laura.
I went to the workshop expecting it to be packed! This was amazing, relevant work, that people in all levels of theatre, not to mention dance and opera, would benefit from. It wasn’t. I mean, there was a good group. But for a topic I thought was so important, I expected more humans to be interested.
In that first workshop, I realized how much my own choreographic and performance experiences, and particularly my work in Laban Movement Analysis supported the idea of choreographing intimacy. I also realized that this was a skill that needed more learning and practice.
So, 6 months later, I enrolled in a 3-day workshop for performers, choreographers, and directors with Tonia Sina and Alicia Rodis, 2 of the co-founders of IDI. We learned about the Pillars of the IDI Method, the history of the work, and I even got to practice choreographing.
So, a little on the history. Tonia wrote her Master’s Thesis on Intimacy for the Stage in 2004. This work is not new, nor is it reactionary to the #metoo movement. It has, however, shown its relevance and importance even more as performers are speaking out against the abuses they’ve experienced in their respective rehearsal rooms. And again, this affects not just theatre, but dance and opera as well. But, Tonia was drawn to this work because she saw a need- we choreograph dances and fights. We coach text and dialect. But what do we do to prepare, protect, and professionalize intimate encounters on stage? And she found the answer to be “nothing documented nor consistent”. So, she set out to change that.
After my 3 days with IDI, I was interested in using and pursuing intimacy choreography as part of my creative work. In order to certify with IDI, one needs to have a certain number of hours of training with them. So, my next step was to apply for their 9-Day Choreographers’ Pedagogy Intensive.
I did, and was accepted! I got to train with intimacy choreographers and directors from literally all over the world in May. We were coached by the women leading this field in theatre, from regional to Broadway, and on TV and film. At the conclusion, I felt ready to take this work back to South Florida.
Now, I’m hoping to apply for their apprenticeship program and earn my certification. I’m also going to Salt Lake City in November to work with TIE again. The two organizations have different approaches to the work, and I appreciate what each one has to offer me as a learner and a professional artist.
I’ve also been adding to my learning by taking classes and reading books on mental heath and trauma, conflict negotiation, and ethical issues surrounding touch and intimacy. This is definitely not a field that one can just learn a movement technique and call it a day.
Just this week, a press release went out on BroadwayWorld announcing me as the Intimacy Choreographer for the season at Measure for Measure Theatre here in Fort Lauderdale. I’m so excited to work with this company- they’ve shown a sincere dedication to offering relevant stories to audiences, while honoring the humanity of their artists. That they would be the first South Florida company to have an IC for a whole season fits their values!
My company, Momentum Stage, is bringing in IDI for 1-day workshops in October. Registration will open after Labor Day, so pop over to the website and subscribe to our newsletter so you are the first to be notified!
As I complete my Laban Movement Analysis certification, I’m doing my final project on Intimacy Choreography, and am excited to carve my niche in this work and in South Florida.
I am actively pursuing other contacts, and would love to work with any dance, theatre, or opera company that finds this work valuable! Contact me! As I said in last week’s post, I got into this not because I think the performing arts are full of predators. There are some. But, rather, I believe our arts organizations are full of people who want to do the right thing, and tell meaningful stories. This work, and me, are resources for them.
Thanks for reading all about intimacy! If you found it informative or helpful, please share this blog series with your co-workers, artistic leaders you know, etc. And leave me a comment! Do you still have questions about intimacy- what or why it is, my story? Leave them in the comments! I love talking about this!
About 6 weeks ago, I posted about what “intimacy direction” is. But, even knowing what it is, some people don’t know why it is. So, I thought I’d share my thoughts on that, based on some of the things I’ve been told about why intimacy direction is not necessary.
Our director has been doing this forever, so we don’t need one of those.
It’s just a fad, it would not be a good use of the company’s money.
Actors should be able to do their jobs, and this is part of it.
Our director is a woman, so we don’t need one of those.
1. Our director has been doing this forever, so we don’t need one of those.
I’m not going to make you hire me, nor will any of my colleagues. I’m a resource; just like a dance or fight choreographer, or a dialect or text coach. I’ve had specific training for this work. I built it onto my dance degree and over a decade of work as an actor, choreographer, and director. I’ve added to it with my own studies in Laban Movement Analysis, the ethics of touch, and trauma-informed teaching. I take my job seriously, and I think it’s a worthwhile field. If you need me, hire me!
2. It’s just a fad, it would not be a good use of the company’s money.
I recognize that most theatre companies do, indeed, operate on small and tight budgets. People donate to non-profits because they believe in the work they are doing, and/or the humans doing that work. For companies that hire an Intimacy director, it likely makes sense for who they are as a company, and their donors will get that, because they already believe in their mission. Also, if it’s just a fad, it will fade away, and then you won’t have to worry about this any more.
3. Actors should be able to do their jobs, and this is part of it.
Yup. It absolutely is. And our jobs, as members of creative teams, is to make sure that the actors have the tools and supports necessary to do their jobs safely and well. We have dialect and text coaches. We have choreographers for dances and fights. And now, we have intimacy choreographers.
There is another version of this comment that goes something like, “Well, they already know how to kiss/have sex/get out of bed in their underwear because they do that in their real life.” Maybe, I don’t know, that’s not really my business. Actors also sit, stand, and talk in their real lives, and we still think it’s important to make them rehearse those things in specific ways!
Also, acting is not their real lives. It is their job. The job of those of us in charge of steering productions includes creating a professional working environment, that our actors can walk away from at the end of the day and return to their real lives, without entanglements, trauma, or even a nagging “I wonder if that was really what s/he was looking for there”?
Audra McDonald worked with an intimacy director for Frankie and Johnny in the Clair de Lune. She didn’t feel like having an intimacy director was redundant or insulting. And, if it’s good enough for Audra, it should be good enough for all of us! Read what Audra had to say to Variety here. Check out my personal FB profile for a ton more links on the experiences of her and other professionals in working with intimacy directors.
4. Our director is a woman, so we don’t need one of those.
Oh. Good. Phew. Women don’t abuse their power and privilege. They also know all the things about all types of intimacy, inherently, simply because…estrogen. Done and dusted. Except, no. None of that is true.
RAINN does not offer statistics regarding the gender of sexual predators, but we can rest assured the number is not 0. Likewise, the abuse of power or privilege imbued in a leadership position is not specific to the male gender.
And, being a woman does not, in fact, make you knowledgable about all things sex/love/romance related. It’s like saying, “Our director is a man, so we won’t need a fight choreographer, because…testosterone.” My friend Yarit Dor, who does both intimacy and fight at the Globe in London (yeah, that one), just wrote about this today on her Facebook profile. So this is a global issue we could all be better at.
It’s also a very ridiculous sentence that reinforces the binary and gender norms. Don’t do that.
Pushback like the above comments comes from 1 of 2 places:
Complete misunderstanding or a simple lack of knowledge of what intimacy direction IS and what it can bring to a production.
Fear
The answer to the first is easy: knowledge. Besides the websites for Intimacy Directors International and Theatrical Intimacy Education, there are many, many articles regarding the use of intimacy directors for the stages of Broadway and off-Broadway and intimacy coordinators on set, particularly at HBO. For those who are members of SDC and/or SAG-AFTRA, those unions have published statements as well. I even wrote a quick hit on this for my blog last month.
The second however likely has no answer. Maybe these people are afraid that others think they are incapable of doing their jobs well. Or are afraid of losing power. Or are afraid of looking weak if they accept help. Or are afraid of being exposed as someone who has abused their power in the past. Or maybe they just fear change. Knowledge will help, but it likely won’t be enough. Until they look deeply at what they are afraid of and WHY, and deal with that underlying cause, fear will continue to make them reactive and negative about intimacy direction.
Part of the reason I was drawn to this work is NOT because I think the theatre and dance worlds are full of abusive predators trying at every waking moment to take advantage of the people they work with. On the contrary, I think our world is full of good people, who genuinely try to do the right thing and a good job. And having procedures and practices in place to help them do that makes their lives easier, and protects them from being lumped in with those who do abuse their power.
So, I’ll go on, doing my job, for whichever companies would like to hire me. Change, as they say, is inevitable. Or as Imgard Bartenieff said, “the only constant is change”. And I’m excited to be a part of it.
Just over a year ago I began my exploration of Intimacy Direction. Which means that over the past year I have had a lot of conversations that start with the question, “What exactly IS intimacy direction?”
Initmacy Directors’ International defines it this way: “Intimacy Direction is the codified practice of choreographing moments of staged intimacy in order to create safe, repeatable, and effective storytelling. “
Theatrical Intimacy Education says that one trained in the art: “empowers artists with the tools to ethically, efficiently, and effectively stage intimacy, nudity, and sexual violence.”
So, what’s intimacy? Intimacy is usually immediately thought of as sex. However, intimate moments could happen between grieving siblings, or with intense eye contact across a room. Intimacy is personal vulnerability.
And, why choreograph it? This question also comes up, usually with a concern that it would look “forced” of “inauthentic”. However, fights are choreographed, and this is not often a concern raised with those moments. When something is choreographed, it means there is a level of accuracy to be achieved and maintained. Just like with fight choreography, personal safety is a mandate. Similar to dance choreography, in intimacy choreography, a person with training has created movement for the moment that: makes the performers look good, that furthers the story, that fulfills the director’s creative vision. Additionally, choreography is repeatable.
All of these elements make for story-telling that is safe for the performers, clear, and consistent. Communication with the audience is part of the goal of any performance, and intimacy choreography makes that possible.
Just like a dance choreographer has extensive training in various genres of dance and fight choreographers are trained on weapons and hand-to-hand, intimacy choreographers should have training in creating these moments for the stage. The two organizations linked above are doing that. I have been lucky enough to train with both.
The more training I do, the more I want to train and learn. And the more I see the importance of this work, in everything from youth theatre to ballet companies to professional theatre to ballroom dance competition teams. All of these instances require a performance of authenticity and vulnerability, for the communication of a story to an audience. A performer’s personal safety and professional integrity should never be compromised for that. Nor should the story or the audience suffer because intimate moments weren’t crafted with the same deliberation as the rest of the performance. And that is what an intimacy director or intimacy choreographer does.
This blog post is by no means comprehensive or definitive. For more information on this field, please visit the websites linked above. Also check out my Twitter timeline, as I regularly share the latest news on intimacy on stage via that platform. The button is below, or on the Contact page.
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