If you’d rather hear me talk about this than read it, head over to my TikTok.
Right now, my Twitter timeline is full of conversation about sex scenes in film and tv. You might think this is because I am an Intimacy Coordinator. You would be wrong. This is because I follow a lot of other exvangelicals, many who are more engaged than I in debates with current evangelicals.
There are apparently many folks who feel like current entertainment options have TOO MUCH SEX! Never mind that it’s really not the case. They don’t like it!
I think it is really interesting that this conversation is so hot (haha, get it?) around sex, and not around violence. Really? We’re more disturbed by seeing sex on our screens than violence?! We’re more disturbed by pleasure than pain?! Why are we willing to accept violence as a fact of life, but not sex? I’m not ok with that.
But beyond the fact that I think this is the wrong discussion to be having, the folks leading this argument point to usually 1 of 3 things:
they didn’t consent to see the sex
the sex is gratuitous
sex scenes historically exploit actors
And I have some thoughts.
Well, consent, to be consent, must be informed. And producers of TV and film must put ratings on their presentations. Those ratings also usually say WHY the rating is give. Now, this is not a discussion about whether or not the rating system is good or bad, or censorship or not. It’s just an acknowledgement that it exists. And since it exists, folks do know if sex is coming. Also, if you are engaging with this content in your own home, you can choose to skip the scene or leave the room. No one is forcing you to watch. Now, if you want to have a conversation about sex scenes in live performances that lack content warnings, sure, let’s have that conversation. But this one doesn’t work.
What, on god’s green earth, is gratuitous sex? Seriously. I do not know. Some people will say “sex that doesn’t further the story”. Um. That’s not the only reason people have sex. They have sex for fun, to connect, to feel good or even distracted. Sex is real life doesn’t have to further anyone’s story. Why does sex on screen? I, frankly, think we should have MORE representations of real life sex. The sex we get in media is often heteronormative, focused on orgasm, and not at all representative of the millions of people that have sex, in millions of ways, for millions of reasons.
As an Intimacy Coordinator, I know that sex scenes have historically been exploitative, especially of women, and centered the male gaze. But, that is a reason to have more Intimacy Coordinators and more representative sex scenes. Not to do away with sex scenes.
What these arguments really display for me is the commodification of bodies that exists, especially in the US. If a body is engaged in pleasure (especially if it is something that is pleasurable for YOU, but I don’t understand it), it is purposeless. Only productivity (sex for procreation, sex to further a story) is allowed.
The commodification of bodies doesn’t just happen in sex. It happens in violence- war is an exchange of bodies for security. It happens in sports- football and boxing are exchanges of bodies for money and entertainment. What all of these have in common is these bodies tend to be women and/or people of color. So, their bodies are expendable and dismissible. They’re bodies are only useful when someone else (particularly white men) get something in exchange- security, fun, etc. And if they don’t like what they see, well, it’s pointless.
These folks on Twitter are really letting their misogyny, racism, homophobia, ageism, and fatphobia show in these comments. They are equating thing that make them uncomfortable with things that SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED (granted, that’s like, the whole state of Florida and some other right now). And that’s a false equivalency.
Just because something doesn’t bring you pleasure or productivity doesn’t mean it shouldn’t exist. Other people don’t have to be or do less or differently to make you comfortable. I hope they take some time to examine why they are being made so uncomfortable, because I bet it will really expose some biases.